As Michael and I were waiting at the train station to leave Beijing on an overnight speed train (traveling 140 miles per hour!!) to Shanghai, we started to get peckish. It just so happened to be the 17th of Tammuz, a Jewish fast day, and my husband and I had spent the day on tour at the Great Wall and Ming tombs- plus we were still jet-lagged from our flight into China two nights before! We were exhausted mentally and physically, but enjoying the prospect of the next 5 weeks of our honeymoon traversing the Asian continent.

20 minutes before sunset (and the end of the fast) I left my hubby to watch the bags and went to hustle up some fruit for our dinner. Since I stand out slightly as a foreigner (yeah, strangely enough, I don’t look very Chinese. Who knew? ), it seemed I was quoted higher prices. Being an Israeli with chutzpah, I don’t take kindly to this differentiation. I insisted on prices I saw other people paying and found that the Chinese, once confronted, would comply without complaint.

So, I proudly arrive back at the station with coconuts, peaches and mango and some bottled water. We promptly consumed the juice and fruit, my husband grateful that I was the one who insisted on the bargaining process. That’s all part of the kick I get out of traveling; for him bargaining with the locals is just a pain in the touches (guess that’s why we get along so well).

Feeling brave after my successful shopping expedition, I decided my next adventure would be attempting to find a kind and generous local in the very large station that would cut open the coconut so we could feast on its meat. Unfortunately, I couldn’t find one to help. So being the go-getter that I am, I got myself a small fruit knife and a pair of scissors. After about 10-15 minutes hacking at my coconut, I thought about giving up and just going without the coconut, but I knew that after all that hard work, I just couldn’t quit. One of us was gonna win that battle, and it wasn’t going to be the coconut! The fascinated stares of the locals around me just added to my determination. After working myself into a sweat, I finally managed to crack it open was able to enjoy the sweet taste of my well-earned coconut.

Upon my return to hubby, I found he had been yelled at by a local until there had been a veritable coup to take over my treasured seat. Without missing a beat, I strode through the reception area until I spied another comfy chair, lifted it high above my head and carried it back to our spot. My husband giggled and remarked how he was unsure if China was really ready to handle a Taviv such as I. Perhaps I should have warned them that I was coming…

There is certainly something to be said for the way the 1.2 billion people in this country have managed to expand to this size while keeping their cities clean and efficient. The people here teem the streets: walking, on bicycles, driving electric motorcycles, scooters and cars. I am unsure of the rules of the traffic flow but somehow it seems to work. The taxi drivers are some of the most aggressive I have ever witnessed (even more than Israeli cabbies!) and zooming between cars on packed highways to reach a destination had us clinging to our seats as if on a rollercoaster ride.

A luxurious 12-hour train ride on the bullet train with soft, comfy sleeper couches, tv and soft comforters was a nice way to travel from Beijing (which has an est. 15 million people) to Shanghai (which has about 18 million). Once we had checked into our hotel, we realized that fruit will only last you so long so after the twelve-hour ride we were starving again. So we began our search for the nearby Shanghai Jewish Center, aka the good ol’ Chabad. After getting slightly lost due to Shanghai’s construction (they are literally rebuilding half the city in preparation for the expo in 2010) we made it into the air-conditioned goodness of the Center. I have never seen Mike so happy to see other Jews!

We wolfed down the first kosher full meal we’d had in days, and for the first time in months I did not bother counting points or calories and devoured everything they put in front of me.

Shabbat gave us some much needed time to rest and recover for our persistent jet lag. And as a bonus, we got to be part of the diverse and unusual Shanghai community for a short time and even felt at home there (in large part due to the tunes and services and meals at the Chabad house). It’s amazing how even in such a remote location a Jew can find such familiar surroundings! It gave us respite from the alien feeling we’d had since our arrival.

After Shabbat ended, we went downtown with another couple and hung out on a rooftop bar overlooking the impressive city skyline. The amount of neon lighting used here is phenomenal and the big cities here make The Big Apple seem small. It was fun to get into political debates and learn about other people’s experiences here. It seems many Westerners move here for business opportunities that are not available elsewhere- that is, once here they learn Mandarin and become a part of the country.

But the differences between the Western and the Chinese mindset is painfully obvious.

As ancient a culture as China represents, my first impression was that there is a lack of creativity here. This, in large part, comes from a consumption and absolute commitment to the way things have always been done. Anything outside of their framework is not understood or accepted easily. Even something as monumental and earth-shattering as the Great Wall (a project that took four Dynasties to complete) shows how the Chinese dedication to their leaders’ wills is unmatched.

Here, they strive for the greater good. Their slogan for the 2008 Olympics, hosted in Beijing was:
“One Dream, One World”

When I asked about the massive population, I was told that Chairman Mao implemented the push to increase the Chinese population to have more manpower in order to crush China’s enemies by sheer numbers. The idea of a whole country unquestioningly following the vision of their leader, whether by having more children, less children, rebuilding a city, destroying heritage sites that are thousands of years old or starving huge numbers of people to create economic reform is radical and hard for us to understand. But in China that’s the way things are done.

So far, I’ve taken away two lessons: 1) the putting aside of certain personal needs (for example, limiting families to only 1 child in the city or 2 in the rural areas to ensure the rest of the population will have what they need); and 2) that we shouldn’t take for granted the extraordinary freedoms that we enjoy both in America and Israel.

As a Western minded, determined and capable individual, ‘chasing the coconut’ is what I believe I was born to do. I find it not only tempting but natural. However, in this country, the mindset is that it’s not always necessary or useful to pursue things that will only benefit oneself or one’s family. We also have to take into consideration those around us who also have needs. As this journey continues, I consider the somehow capitalist yet stated communist country I find myself in: it’s an enigma and a challenge… and I am enjoying every sweaty minute!

Who are you? How do you define yourself?

When introducing ourselves we often do so by explaining what we do for work. It seems that the determining factor to the questions above hinge on what we do for a living. And although our work does comprise the majority of our waking hours, there is so much more to a person than their chosen profession.

However, in this topsy-turvy world of smoke and mirrors, things are rarely what they seem. We are hesitant to focus on our character-traits and the essence that make us who we are. We find it difficult to explain a reason why we are put on this Earth, and what makes us different.

For this reason (among others) I have often taken off with my backpack, leaving behind all I know (job, friends and even family) and everything that made me comfortable to put myself in new circumstances where I am attached to nothing and no one. To start from scratch, in a manner of speaking. In that new space, the true inner voice can be better heard and one’s definition of self becomes simpler.

I believe that a driving force for existence is growth.

The online dictionary defines growth as:
“Development from a lower or simpler to a higher or more complex form; evolution”

In my own life growth is a major priority. Often, if things are going great and I am very comfortable it means that it’s time to move on to something different; in order to continue to grow, new challenges must be undertaken. Moving on can be geographical, work related or can even be a cue to consider social involvements.

Fear is the enemy of growth. We fear change. We fear challenges. We fear many things. Often we live our lives as if what we fear is reality. Therefore, we place restrictions on our possibilities and potential accomplishments according to these fears.

Life is a process. Things change constantly. Maintaining the status quo means not only is one not moving forward, but in the act of standing still as everything else advances, one is essentially being left behind!

We can learn a valuable lesson from gardens. In maintaining a healthy and lush garden, we know that things need to be weeded and pruned. This “weeding” and “pruning” sessions allow for the dead and unnecessary parts of the plant to be cut up and cleared away so that more energy can be directed to the areas that are growing and vital.

This is also true in our personal lives. We often feed energy into aspects that are wasteful- these parts, though we may be hesitant to admit it, may be dead or no longer vital; such as relationships, a job we hate, or pain or anger at something that happened long ago. These negative aspects which sap the energy from our lives need to be “pruned” so that we can grow bigger and stronger.

How do we measure how we’ve grown or even ensure that we are growing at all? Jewish wisdom teaches us that the mitzvot (Biblical obligations) that are most challenging are the ones where we have the greatest potential for growth.

We all know that the areas where we have exerted most effort are often where we find the most reward. Things that come easily to us are rarely appreciated. However, the pain we undertake and survive gives us depth and courage to move forward as individuals with greater capacity to give and to love.

We cannot always control the events in our lives; yet we do control our responses to them. I remember a 3-day trek my mom dragged my entire family on back when I lived in South Africa. During the second day, there was a large river crossing. The challenge was to swim across a wide river channel connected to the ocean, while floating our backpacks ahead of us. The idea of this terrified me, as I have always been a weak swimmer and am afraid of currents and deep water. So when our group arrived, I decided my fear would not hold me back. I was the first to jump in and cross to the other side. Of course, I’m only human- and I did have to sit back and calm my pounding, fluttering heart while the others made their way across to catch up with me. This is the way I’ve always tackled my fears – head on. They say to “look before you leap”, but I think the best technique is leap before you have the time to think- otherwise you get too nervous and can be paralyzed by fear. Nike got it right – Just do it!

How we face the curveballs that life throws at us is what determines our character. We grow when we achieve something that seemed difficult or impossible to us. If we try and fail, then we’ve failed. Big deal. But if we never try at all…then we will never know.

Yes, there might be pain in failure, but to quote a wonderful, yet little-known play The Teahouse of the August Moon:
“Pain makes man think. Thought makes man wise. Wisdom makes life endurable.”

I’d like to give us all a blessing that we face our deepest fears head-on, and that in the challenge our true strength is revealed. We all have the Divine Spark within us and are connected to the Source of all.

May we understand with clarity that the G-d-given potential within each of us far exceeds even our wildest dreams.