When I was a rebellious teenager, holy to me, meant cutting holes into my
clothing to defy the institution of being proper. As I have matured and
grown, my understanding, needless to say has changed rather drastically. Over the last 10 years I have become more involved in my Jewish heritage and have spent time asking questions and investigating our very long history.
The concept of a holy person, a tzaddik, always seemed to me some far away individual with whom I somehow always struggled to identify. I grew up in a secular world, where a person’s value is determined by the service they offer to the world, and how much society is willing to pay for that service. So, this idea of each individual having intrinsic value as a human being, bound by a holy mission to serve God and fulfill a granted potential seemed rather foreign.
Especially, the service part. Being a proud and well defined rebel, the last
thing I wanted was to serve. Until, with shocked resignation, I understood,
that I was indeed serving---serving my own desires for whatever I wanted,
that is…
This past Shabbat I heard a woman speak. She is a holy woman. I was so moved by her words, her challenges, and her strength that it inspired me to
improve my own level of service and to strive to live a more holy life.
The Jews were singled out to be an “am kadosh - a holy nation.”
I’d like to explore what that means.
The dictionary definitions are:
dedicated to religious use; belonging to or coming from God; consecrated;
sacred
spiritually perfect or pure; untainted by evil or sin; sinless; saintly
regarded with or deserving deep respect, awe, reverence, or adoration
The holy woman I mentioned is Rivka Namir, a mother of 12 and pregnant with her 10th at the time she was expelled from her home in Gush Katif. She
described her family’s complete belief that somehow against all rationale,
they would not be removed from their home. After surviving the fall of 6000
missiles, and truly living a miraculous existence, I could understand their
faith. My heart broke when I heard how her husband greeted the soldiers in his military uniform and handed his medal of honor to the commander of the
same army who was now evicting him.
The Israeli government had sent in their army, the IDF (the *Israeli Defence
Force*), whose stated mission is the protection of Israel's citizens. On
that day, its goal changed radically. It was now forcibly removing its most nationalistic and loyal compatriots from land historically belonging to the Jewish people. The Namir family, along with hundreds of other Jews who had settled Gush Katif and built it up to a near paradise, were now being forced to leave.
Rivka explained to us that nothing can happen in this world without Hashem willing it from above. She said she could ask lama - why, but instead she learnt to ask leh mah - for what can I learn from this? Losing her home and all of her possessions, having her children completely uprooted, and losing faith in the government that had promised to protect her…what did she have left? She shared that it took her over a year before she was able to honestly give thanks to the Creator. She poignantly described how, once the expulsion occurred, she had to make peace with the fact that this was the Will of God and to somehow find the good in it.
She says she knows now what the destruction of the Holy Temple must have *felt* like. Not just intellectually, but in her heart. Her prayers and desire for the Messiach are more genuine now. Her kids joking around that they no longer have to do their homework as they no longer have a home, shows the uncanny ability of this family to decide to be, exactly as the dictionary definition describes:
dedicated to religious use; belonging to or coming from God
The practice they took upon themselves to write down, each day, 10 things for which to praise God, encouraged each family member to be grateful for everything in their lives, even in the most trying of circumstances. She spoke with peace and calm and joy about her dedication to serve God in this world and accept His Will.
200 families from Gush Katif have now settled (still in caravans) on the
yeshuv of Yad Binyamin. Their presence there has affected the entire
community. They inspire all who come into contact with them, by their
hope, joy in service and love of the Almighty.
What could possibly be more holy?
I recall the feeling of the speed of the bike as we cruised. The smell
of the fresh sea air, the crisp wind and the force with which it hit
my body. We were biking through the Malibu mountains, a few months
after the destruction of the Malibu fires of 2007. What remained to
mark those days only a short time after was some charred black ground.
But bright, healthy green vegetation was sprouting everywhere. We
drove through the winding canyon roads and marveled at the sheer life
that was obvious on these mountain tops that had been ravaged by
fires so recently.
Hearing today about the recent fires in Los Angeles, I recall another
set of fires I witnessed in the Valley. The sky was red and the sun
swollen. Ash rained down and it felt like the end of the world. These
natural phenomena come to teach us something.
I sit here in Jerusalem, for the last 2 weeks, learning day in and day
out about the process of Teshuva (repentance). We are in the month
of Elul. This is the month we are told we have the ability to do the
inner work necessary to not only undo our previous wrongs but
if done in accordance with certain prescribed guidelines and correct intention, have the opportunity of turning them into merits.
Really? How could we possibly do that?
That sounds unbelievable and almost counter intuitive but the Torah
teaches that not only is this possible but this is what we should have
as our objectives over the 10 days starting with Rosh Hashana and
gearing up to Yom Kippur.
Michal, get back to your point…What’s the fire connection? you ask…
What fires do at their essence is eliminate old growth and begin the
regenerative process.
So it is with proper Teshuva (repentance). Just as all was growing
and alive prior to the fire, so too can our regret and pain over past
mistakes be burned away completely over this fortuitous time of
the year. When we hurt ourselves or another person or act against
a moral code of values we know to be correct and holy, on a
spiritual level a blemish is created on our soul. True repentance
means putting our souls through the fire. It's going to be just as
painful as it sounds. For purification to take place and for us to
truly remove these stains WE need to be the ones setting alight
the sparks of this fire.
This all sounds very intense and scary but there is a practical
step by step way of accomplishing this:
1. Acknowledge your wrongs and have the desire to not repeat them.
2. Vidui - Confess all of it to G-d. Speak it out in your own words.
3. Charata - Feel regret for these transgressions.
Another enlightening piece of information I learnt relates to our
motivation to undergo such tribulation. There are two reasons
motivating this process that create two differing results.
a) Yirah (awe or fear): We do Teshuva this way when we are
tired of the bad things we’ve done and want them to stop already
or we are afraid that it will all catch up with us or that we may
get punished sooner or later. When we do such Teshuva we
are no longer held accountable for our transgressions. Our
slate is wiped clean and the blemishes removed.
b) Ahava (love- the desire to give to our Creator): This is all
about knowing that we are loved by the Creator and His
entire universe and so each moment is an opportunity to
connect and get closer. We look back at those instances
we regret and instead of retribution, see Him giving us a
path to be better people and show ourselves to be truly
created in His image. The end result of this is our previous
misdeeds actually become points of merit as we were able to
not only remove them but have them bring us closer to the
fulfillment of our ultimate potential in this world.
What an unbelievable system! Who else other than an all
loving and merciful Being could devise such a plan? I am
so thrilled to be here in the Holiest of cities. For the first time
in my life I truly appreciate what this opportunity is and plan
to dig deep to pull out and sacrifice my sins on the altar that
I am building to serve a higher purpose. That being, working
on being a better person, refining my character traits
and striving for growth.
Success = being a GOOD person.
So, I bless us all that we are able to identify our pain,
bring it out to be burned in the fire, and emerge a confident,
loving, sparkling gem of God’s creation.
"I just want to find someone to love me", the pretty 23 year old bar
girl expressed earnestly.
Having traveled in Thailand and been jarred by the large number of
prostitutes I saw hanging out at the myriad bars we passed, in
Bangkok, Chaing Mai, Koh Samui and Koh Phangnan I had questions. How
could an entire country seeminlgy support such overt prostitution?
After doing some research I discovered that prostitution in Thailand
has been illegal since 1960, however this law is neither enforced nor
implemented. Mostly due to the support of Thai men from all levels of
society, especially government officials who actively promote and
protect the sex industry. Direct proof of this attitude towards women
is described by MP Thirachai Sirikhan, informing The Nation newspaper,
"To have a mia noi (mistress) is an individual's right. There should
be no problem as long as the politician causes no trouble to his
family or society".
This attitude has its roots in the time of the Khmer Empire when it
was customary for emperors to have as many as a thousand concubines.
As a result, it was also common for men to have multiple wives and mistresses.
Consequently, women expect their husbands to cheat. However, this does
not seem to distress them; to the contrary, Thai women were cited as believing that the availability of these prostitutes will actually decrease the
incident of rape. In modern times, the continuation of this phenomenon
was enacted by the uneducated, rural women that served the sexual
needs of the large numbers of US troops passing through the area
during the Vietnam War.
"It's quick and easy money" my interviewee said to me with absolutely
no embarrassment. "I was a hairdresser in my village and it was boring,
I prefer it here on the islands, there is the beach, better shopping and
I make good money and have fun at the bar". This young lady sends
money home to her family and is saving up her cash to someday be
independent. Her parents know her profession, yet say nothing, as her
earnings support them and their agricultural existence.
How does the system work? The bar girl is one of many that service
a particular establishment. She encourages customers to drink and gets
a commission of 40 baht per drink. If the customer wants to take her
back to his hotel, he pays a "bar fine" of anything from 250 - 700
baht. Additionally, he negotiates a price with her. Typically, costs are
approximately 1000 baht for a "short time", generally one hour, and
can rise to 3000 baht for "long time," which is the whole night. Please
note that $1 is equivalent to about 33 baht.
The age of sexual consent is 18 in Thailand and due to the large numbers of sex workers, an estimated 2 million women, and 10 000 on the small
island of Koh Samui alone, it seems that the government has instituted
systems to monitor sex workers and control sexually transmitted
diseases rather than do anything to prevent this "sex tourism
industry" that Thailand has become infamous for. Girls get checkups
every three months or face fines.
These girls aim to have a Western boyfriend or sponsor that sends them
regular cash or pays their rent. Sometimes, they have multiple
financial supporters. In fact, private investigative firms have sprung
up that claim to checkup on a bar girl and ensure she is being
faithful and staying away from the "call of duty".
I found there to be such a marked difference to these ways of thinking to
the Jewish value system that I have been striving to learn for the last few years.
Judaism teaches us that our bodies are temples and should be used for
holy purposes and in the service of God. Although in Jewish history we
have also had incidents of Kings with over a thousand concubines, and
men with multiple wives and we, too, have very poor neighborhoods where people are starving and suffering economic hardship, we have never had and never will have such an open and accepted level of prostitution.
Why?
The sexual act in Judaism is a holy one, meant to be shared between a
husband and wife. Our belief is that this holy union is the most
intimate two people can get. Putting a dollar price on such an act reduces
its priceless value and makes it cheap. Jews place the highest
emphasis on family life. Only through marriage and a family can we as
individuals truly fulfill our potential in this world and grow as
people. Our moral value system restrains us from walking a path of
careless, crass disrespect of our own bodies and souls.
Although Jewish and Thai culture have similar histories in terms
described above, over time, there has been an obvious divergence.
However, over 1000 years ago a Jewish ban on multiple wives was
instituted and the role of women changed significantly. The focus
became the family unit, and each member had valuable input. In the
Thai culture, the focus was survival at any cost; women were accustomed
to using their bodies for economic gain which then became accepted
and popularized over the years. Therefore, we have reached such
different platforms today.
A survey in Chicago revealed the following: Most men said they viewed
their interaction with prostitutes as a business contract in which
payment entitles them to treat the women any way they like. Women
surrender the right to say no to anything once they accept a
customer’s money many said. “Prostitutes are a product, like cereal,”
said one man. “You go to the grocery, pick the brand you want and pay
for it. It’s business.”
Seeing a human being as a product on the shelf with no soul, feelings
or potential is the consequence of being able to buy another's body
for your own pleasure. This leads directly to the loss of respect and
value of the women involved. Once the woman is seen as "only business,"
any evil intent including murder can be justified. The deterioration of
morality and collapse of decency is bound to result from the mindset
of “every person has their price.”
Rabbi Tzvi Fishman states: "If sexual sins become rampant on a
national level, this can cause a total blockage, or the drying up of
the channel of the Yesod (the spiritual channel that brings Divine
illumination and blessing into the world), bringing destruction and
exile to Am Yisrael (the nation of Israel.) When the Yesod was damaged
Above through Israel’s transgressions, it was only a matter of time
before the enemy succeeded in destroying its physical counterpart
embodied in Zion and Jerusalem below."
So in conclusion, women of Israel, remember that you are daughters of
the King (bat Melech). We must guard our bodies and sexual conduct
vigorously. We could call destruction upon ourselves and our entire people from on high. The answer... learn and practice the ways of modesty instead of succumbing to the social pressure of free love and flippant intimacy.
We have been given the gift of choice and the luxury of a strong value system that can guide us. We owe it to ourselves to respect ourselves, our mission, our blessings and the world we live in.
References:
http://womensphere.wordpress.com/2008/05/18/men-would-stop-using-prostitutes-if-they-thought-they-might-be-caught-and-prosecuted-say-90-of-men-interviewed/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prostitution_in_Thailand
http://www.breslev.co.il/articles/judaism/concepts_in_judaism/microcosm_of_the_world.aspx?id=8120&language=english
Travel Update - China & Thailand
Well, not even sure where to start.
We sure have been busy.
After spending a wonderful Shabbat in Shanghai and then wandering
around the old town of Sozhou ( a town in China means roughly a couple
of million people live there). Sozhou was quaint with gardens and
canals but still a large city by our Western standards
We decided we had enough of urban living and needed a change of pace.
So, we altered our plans and instead of heading to Kunming in Western China headed straight to Bangkok, Thailand.
In one day in Bangkok we managed to deal with dental work, shopping,
kosher food, and build an itinerary with the tourist authority that
basically planned out the rest of the adventurous honeymoon.
As a direct result, a day later we flew to Chaing Mai in Northern Thailand.
Finally, a scenic town with less than a million people.
It also happens to be a haven for israelis.
We spent Friday exploring on a scooter.
We found amazing waterfalls, temples in the old city and unusual landscapes.
We hooked up with the local Chabad for Shabbat, with at least 100 israelis.
The entire evening was Hebrew only, from the Rabbi, to the guests and all speeches. It felt good to be with the community.
Getting eaten alive by mosquitoes and hanging out at the Riverside Cafe
debating with an Israeli couple drinking cocktails was the order of
business for Saturday night.
Sunday we began our 3 day trek through the jungle.
The hiking was intense, and we went straight up to the hill top tribe
village where we would spend the evening. Rustic is a very nice way to
describe the primitive facilities. The 2nd day was more hiking and we got caught in a torrential downpour. Muddy hiking and soaking wet but warm and slipping and sliding through the very green surrounding is an experience Mike & I will remember always. I was in sandals and as an experienced hiker managed ok. Mike and his Converse shoes did not fare so well.
By the 3rd day we were pretty worn out, flea bitten, dirty and
remembering fondly our home in Beverly Hills. Luckily, the last day
was fun day. We got to ride on elephants, white water raft and then get
pulled along some kind of bamboo make shift raft through the brown and
murky river. Arriving back in Chaing Mai and ordering kosher food and
probably our last meat until after the 9 days was a highlight too.
Please take a moment to comment as I really do appreciate your feedback.
I arrived in Los Angeles in July 2005. It was the hardest year of my entire life.
The trauma of my brother’s serious accident and almost marrying a person who could not have possibly been more wrong for me weighed heavily on my heart. I’d been in LA all of 6 miserable months and had just walked out on the man I was to marry only weeks hence.
Yet, at the height of all this turmoil, G-d had a plan that was way beyond my comprehension at the time.
The day I ended my engagement, is the exact same day of the meeting that birthed JconnectLA. Thankfully, instead of what would have certainly been a failed marriage, I committed myself to and married a vision- one that would change the course of my existence.
Although I was working for LINK (a Jewish non-profit in Westwood) at the time, Cheston and I decided that I would put my energy into a new project called ‘JconnectLA’. It was the vision of Jewish Unity- a plan to create a Jewish experience in LA that would bring together Jews from any cultural or religious background in a space that was warm, fun and hip.
Within months, Jconnect had grown so much that I had to leave LINK to develop this project full-time. I took the leap, even though Jconnect was not yet registered as its own entity, and left LINK- running Jconnect from a computer, desk and phone in my apartment for the next 6 months.
Jconnect’s success and growth led to our establishment as a 501(c)(3) and subsequent substantial donations eventually led to moving from my bedroom into a nice new office in Century City. That was around July of 2006.
I put all the passion and energy I had into my new life in Los Angeles and the vision of bringing the Los Angeles Jewish community together.
After the pain of the previous year, it felt so good to be driven by a purpose larger than myself.
I lived and breathed Jconnect for the next 3 years. I was at every birthday party, every hike, every trip and every social gathering I knew of. Sometimes, doing the circuit meant 3 or 4 parties in a single night….. And I was loving every minute.
I got to meet wonderful, creative, friendly individuals who were interesting and were supportive of the work I was doing. The relationships Cheston Mizel had created around his Shabbat table all those years ago had solidified into not just a well known and respected organization, but also into a community of friends- and some even deeper. Family.
So, as I explored my surroundings and met Jews from all possible walks of life, I always carried with me this passion and love of the Jewish people. It was my drive- the source of my energy and my inspiration.
Yet, I was never content. I could not sit at home EVER, for fear of missing the fun. I did not want to admit it, but I was still on the run. I was having a blast, living the life, driving my convertible around sunny LA, and regular roller blading sessions on the beach… Does life get any better?
YES, it does.
In 2008 I met my soul-mate. In true poetic justice he waltzed into my life at the Jconnect event we had Lynn Finson, the Educational Director of Midreshet Rachel in Israel speaking.
Her topic: "Finding your basherte (soul-mate), why does it take so long?"
So, a new chapter began. Being omnipresent in the Jewish LA social scene became less of a priority as I was faced with the internal challenge of being in a real, meaningful relationship. Having been hurt in the past, I had to change my focus to trusting. Being vulnerable and able to receive proved to be more of an effort than expected. I found myself shifting and changing and confronting insecurities and fears that, until that point, I had not recognized even existed.
On our first date we discussed our mutual dream of spending a year in Israel learning together- building a foundation for our marriage built on Torah spirituality and service of Truth. Throughout the months we dated we continued to communicate our life long goals. At some point the hypothetical scenario’s of our ideal reality began to take shape into definite plans. We began to follow through…
"Hineni" - Here I am.
Saying farewell.
The last few years in LA have been the best I’ve ever lived. I discovered my essence, made peace with my past. Now I go to my future, to Israel, and the next adventure.
Thank you for being a part of my journey. May your journey be pleasant, full of light and laughter
Although Israel seems far away, with technology, its easy to stay in contact.
Please be in touch, it would be great to hear from you:
Website: http://www.michaltaviv.weebly.com
Email: [email protected]
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/MichalTavivMargolese
Twitter: MichalMargolese
Skype: mtaviv
After the first night of Pesach, where we as Jews celebrate the exodus of Egypt from slavery to freedom, there is a special commandment to count each evening with a blessing until the Holiday of Shavuot when we celebrate the receiving of the Torah from G-d on Mt. Sinai,
What is this counting? Why are we doing it?
When we left Egypt, we left as slaves- finally liberated from the bondage we had been enslaved with for over 200 years. However, by the time we actually received the Torah at Sinai we were not only a free people comprised of individuals, but we essentially became a unified whole; a mass of human beings that were so united in purpose and understanding that we were identified as “guf echad” - one body. This incident of unanimity is the foundation of the Jewish people. How is it that several million people reached this level of “achdut – brotherhood or unity”?
Egypt was hell for the Jewish people. The suffering experienced there was more than most of us today can conceive and it lasted for more than two centuries! Yet, somehow out of the ashes of that fiery inferno came the strength to leave it all behind and the desire of the Jewish people to serve something greater than their Egyptian taskmasters.
Avraham, the forefather of the Jewish people, debated and plead with G-d not to destroy Sodom & Gomorrah- despite these cities being immoral and depraved societies. “Perhaps,” Abraham argued, “there are some people who live there who deserve to be spared?” After learning that there weren’t even 10 individuals worth saving, Avraham finally relented.
Why is it then, that after arguing so enthusiastically for a place where there weren’t even 10 people worth saving, that when informed of his own ancestors future descent into Egypt and forced slavery for hundreds of years, that Avraham did not utter a word? This takes some serious pondering.
One possibility is that we, the Jewish people were the proverbial “diamond in the rough.” Only through the suffering and darkness of that time, could we as a nation be refined from our hardened, coal-like state and honed into a diamond- a people who knew the meaning of servitude and, in turn, would now be able to distinguish and appreciate the difference between being slaves to our worldly desires and true freedom.
Success is only attained through effort, and according to the effort, such is the reward.
Our people have strained and suffered through history over and over again to live up to the status of The Chosen People.
However, as The Chosen People we have been pursued (as in the Egyptians pursuing us at the Red Sea), persecuted (during the Spanish Inquisition, for example), and destroyed (physically in the smoldering ovens of the Holocaust; and spiritually during the destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem). Many Jews have beseeched G-d to revoke our ‘Chosen’ status.
That begs the question: Are we Chosen, or are we required to Choose?
During the Counting of the Omer, every single day we choose; choose to take a step towards the Service of G-d’s Holiness; choose to move towards being good people; and choose to create good in this world. We use our experiences as a people, and the wisdom that experience has granted us to learn from the past and create a better future. But what is ‘wisdom,’ anyway?
“Wisdom is an ideal that has been celebrated since antiquity as the knowledge needed to live a good life.” This is the definition given by that great knower of all..that is…Wikipedia
So, how are we to use this wisdom and live the said ‘good life’? Well, that seems to depend on what we want. Wisdom is only a tool- a means to an end.
So what is it we strive for? How do we define ‘success’? I think the biggest question we need to ask ourselves is what we really see when we look at ourselves in the mirror? It’s a tough question, and oftentimes, the answer can be disturbing or uncomfortable. But by facing this question and reflecting upon our inner selves, we can really begin to utilize our wisdom in a positive manner.
According to Rabbi Noach Weinberg, there are 48 ways to reach wisdom in this world; and they are not what one may think. Sure, a degree from an Ivy League University is nice, but somehow it doesn’t seem to make his list. Just a few of the items he categorizes are:
“Listening effectively”
“Living life with constant joy”
“The Power of Awe”
“Mastering Fear”
If each Jew leaving Egypt mastered all of the 48 ways to wisdom as they counted the days from 1 to 48, and reviewed it all on the 49th day, then by the 50th day, Shavuot, they would be worthy and ready to receive the word of G-d and the instructions or codes for living life as free people. This entails living a life of meaning, of depth, of joy and, yes, a life of service.
If we are really honest with ourselves, we all serve something in this world; whether its money, beauty, power or success- we choose our master. So, the question becomes how do we define freedom?
This time, during the Counting of the Omer, we have a greater strength to choose growth, deeper understanding and goodness.
As the Torah clearly states:
“I have put before you this day life and death, blessing and curse. Choose life, so you and your offspring shall live” - Deuteronomy 30:19
Only a slave to the Truth, can be truly Free.
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