I recall the feeling of the speed of the bike as we cruised. The smell
of the fresh sea air, the crisp wind and the force with which it hit
my body. We were biking through the Malibu mountains, a few months
after the destruction of the Malibu fires of 2007. What remained to
mark those days only a short time after was some charred black ground.
But bright, healthy green vegetation was sprouting everywhere. We
drove through the winding canyon roads and marveled at the sheer life
that was obvious on these mountain tops that had been ravaged by
fires so recently.
Hearing today about the recent fires in Los Angeles, I recall another
set of fires I witnessed in the Valley. The sky was red and the sun
swollen. Ash rained down and it felt like the end of the world. These
natural phenomena come to teach us something.
I sit here in Jerusalem, for the last 2 weeks, learning day in and day
out about the process of Teshuva (repentance). We are in the month
of Elul. This is the month we are told we have the ability to do the
inner work necessary to not only undo our previous wrongs but
if done in accordance with certain prescribed guidelines and correct intention, have the opportunity of turning them into merits.
Really? How could we possibly do that?
That sounds unbelievable and almost counter intuitive but the Torah
teaches that not only is this possible but this is what we should have
as our objectives over the 10 days starting with Rosh Hashana and
gearing up to Yom Kippur.
Michal, get back to your point…What’s the fire connection? you ask…
What fires do at their essence is eliminate old growth and begin the
regenerative process.
So it is with proper Teshuva (repentance). Just as all was growing
and alive prior to the fire, so too can our regret and pain over past
mistakes be burned away completely over this fortuitous time of
the year. When we hurt ourselves or another person or act against
a moral code of values we know to be correct and holy, on a
spiritual level a blemish is created on our soul. True repentance
means putting our souls through the fire. It's going to be just as
painful as it sounds. For purification to take place and for us to
truly remove these stains WE need to be the ones setting alight
the sparks of this fire.
This all sounds very intense and scary but there is a practical
step by step way of accomplishing this:
1. Acknowledge your wrongs and have the desire to not repeat them.
2. Vidui - Confess all of it to G-d. Speak it out in your own words.
3. Charata - Feel regret for these transgressions.
Another enlightening piece of information I learnt relates to our
motivation to undergo such tribulation. There are two reasons
motivating this process that create two differing results.
a) Yirah (awe or fear): We do Teshuva this way when we are
tired of the bad things we’ve done and want them to stop already
or we are afraid that it will all catch up with us or that we may
get punished sooner or later. When we do such Teshuva we
are no longer held accountable for our transgressions. Our
slate is wiped clean and the blemishes removed.
b) Ahava (love- the desire to give to our Creator): This is all
about knowing that we are loved by the Creator and His
entire universe and so each moment is an opportunity to
connect and get closer. We look back at those instances
we regret and instead of retribution, see Him giving us a
path to be better people and show ourselves to be truly
created in His image. The end result of this is our previous
misdeeds actually become points of merit as we were able to
not only remove them but have them bring us closer to the
fulfillment of our ultimate potential in this world.
What an unbelievable system! Who else other than an all
loving and merciful Being could devise such a plan? I am
so thrilled to be here in the Holiest of cities. For the first time
in my life I truly appreciate what this opportunity is and plan
to dig deep to pull out and sacrifice my sins on the altar that
I am building to serve a higher purpose. That being, working
on being a better person, refining my character traits
and striving for growth.
Success = being a GOOD person.
So, I bless us all that we are able to identify our pain,
bring it out to be burned in the fire, and emerge a confident,
loving, sparkling gem of God’s creation.
"I just want to find someone to love me", the pretty 23 year old bar
girl expressed earnestly.
Having traveled in Thailand and been jarred by the large number of
prostitutes I saw hanging out at the myriad bars we passed, in
Bangkok, Chaing Mai, Koh Samui and Koh Phangnan I had questions. How
could an entire country seeminlgy support such overt prostitution?
After doing some research I discovered that prostitution in Thailand
has been illegal since 1960, however this law is neither enforced nor
implemented. Mostly due to the support of Thai men from all levels of
society, especially government officials who actively promote and
protect the sex industry. Direct proof of this attitude towards women
is described by MP Thirachai Sirikhan, informing The Nation newspaper,
"To have a mia noi (mistress) is an individual's right. There should
be no problem as long as the politician causes no trouble to his
family or society".
This attitude has its roots in the time of the Khmer Empire when it
was customary for emperors to have as many as a thousand concubines.
As a result, it was also common for men to have multiple wives and mistresses.
Consequently, women expect their husbands to cheat. However, this does
not seem to distress them; to the contrary, Thai women were cited as believing that the availability of these prostitutes will actually decrease the
incident of rape. In modern times, the continuation of this phenomenon
was enacted by the uneducated, rural women that served the sexual
needs of the large numbers of US troops passing through the area
during the Vietnam War.
"It's quick and easy money" my interviewee said to me with absolutely
no embarrassment. "I was a hairdresser in my village and it was boring,
I prefer it here on the islands, there is the beach, better shopping and
I make good money and have fun at the bar". This young lady sends
money home to her family and is saving up her cash to someday be
independent. Her parents know her profession, yet say nothing, as her
earnings support them and their agricultural existence.
How does the system work? The bar girl is one of many that service
a particular establishment. She encourages customers to drink and gets
a commission of 40 baht per drink. If the customer wants to take her
back to his hotel, he pays a "bar fine" of anything from 250 - 700
baht. Additionally, he negotiates a price with her. Typically, costs are
approximately 1000 baht for a "short time", generally one hour, and
can rise to 3000 baht for "long time," which is the whole night. Please
note that $1 is equivalent to about 33 baht.
The age of sexual consent is 18 in Thailand and due to the large numbers of sex workers, an estimated 2 million women, and 10 000 on the small
island of Koh Samui alone, it seems that the government has instituted
systems to monitor sex workers and control sexually transmitted
diseases rather than do anything to prevent this "sex tourism
industry" that Thailand has become infamous for. Girls get checkups
every three months or face fines.
These girls aim to have a Western boyfriend or sponsor that sends them
regular cash or pays their rent. Sometimes, they have multiple
financial supporters. In fact, private investigative firms have sprung
up that claim to checkup on a bar girl and ensure she is being
faithful and staying away from the "call of duty".
I found there to be such a marked difference to these ways of thinking to
the Jewish value system that I have been striving to learn for the last few years.
Judaism teaches us that our bodies are temples and should be used for
holy purposes and in the service of God. Although in Jewish history we
have also had incidents of Kings with over a thousand concubines, and
men with multiple wives and we, too, have very poor neighborhoods where people are starving and suffering economic hardship, we have never had and never will have such an open and accepted level of prostitution.
Why?
The sexual act in Judaism is a holy one, meant to be shared between a
husband and wife. Our belief is that this holy union is the most
intimate two people can get. Putting a dollar price on such an act reduces
its priceless value and makes it cheap. Jews place the highest
emphasis on family life. Only through marriage and a family can we as
individuals truly fulfill our potential in this world and grow as
people. Our moral value system restrains us from walking a path of
careless, crass disrespect of our own bodies and souls.
Although Jewish and Thai culture have similar histories in terms
described above, over time, there has been an obvious divergence.
However, over 1000 years ago a Jewish ban on multiple wives was
instituted and the role of women changed significantly. The focus
became the family unit, and each member had valuable input. In the
Thai culture, the focus was survival at any cost; women were accustomed
to using their bodies for economic gain which then became accepted
and popularized over the years. Therefore, we have reached such
different platforms today.
A survey in Chicago revealed the following: Most men said they viewed
their interaction with prostitutes as a business contract in which
payment entitles them to treat the women any way they like. Women
surrender the right to say no to anything once they accept a
customer’s money many said. “Prostitutes are a product, like cereal,”
said one man. “You go to the grocery, pick the brand you want and pay
for it. It’s business.”
Seeing a human being as a product on the shelf with no soul, feelings
or potential is the consequence of being able to buy another's body
for your own pleasure. This leads directly to the loss of respect and
value of the women involved. Once the woman is seen as "only business,"
any evil intent including murder can be justified. The deterioration of
morality and collapse of decency is bound to result from the mindset
of “every person has their price.”
Rabbi Tzvi Fishman states: "If sexual sins become rampant on a
national level, this can cause a total blockage, or the drying up of
the channel of the Yesod (the spiritual channel that brings Divine
illumination and blessing into the world), bringing destruction and
exile to Am Yisrael (the nation of Israel.) When the Yesod was damaged
Above through Israel’s transgressions, it was only a matter of time
before the enemy succeeded in destroying its physical counterpart
embodied in Zion and Jerusalem below."
So in conclusion, women of Israel, remember that you are daughters of
the King (bat Melech). We must guard our bodies and sexual conduct
vigorously. We could call destruction upon ourselves and our entire people from on high. The answer... learn and practice the ways of modesty instead of succumbing to the social pressure of free love and flippant intimacy.
We have been given the gift of choice and the luxury of a strong value system that can guide us. We owe it to ourselves to respect ourselves, our mission, our blessings and the world we live in.
References:
http://womensphere.wordpress.com/2008/05/18/men-would-stop-using-prostitutes-if-they-thought-they-might-be-caught-and-prosecuted-say-90-of-men-interviewed/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prostitution_in_Thailand
http://www.breslev.co.il/articles/judaism/concepts_in_judaism/microcosm_of_the_world.aspx?id=8120&language=english
In today’s world it seems the word ‘appreciation’ is just not appreciated enough.
Think what an absolutely different world we would live in if individuals took it upon themselves to simply use the word “thanks” a little more often. It seems, however, that the ability to feel and show gratitude is a character trait that has fallen through the cracks and is not emphasized, taught and encouraged nearly as much as it should be.
In fact, at a young age we’re taught quite the opposite: the idea of self-sufficiency and independence. We learn that we must be strong and take what we want if we wish to get ahead in the world. When people get in our way, we need to figure out how to maneuver around them and get to the top to make our dreams a reality. And once we get there, well, we did all the work and we alone have earned it! All those who helped us along the way and guided and supported us, well, they’re not really that important anyway, right?
So, how do we address this feeling of entitlement that seems to permeate our everyday existence? When attacking an issue like this, empathy must come into play. I believe that people should follow their dreams. However, there is no need for that to impact the quality with which we treat others or the amount of appreciation we have for what we’ve already been blessed with. How often do we tell those closest to us that we’re grateful to have them in our lives? Far more often it takes losing a person to realize how much they really mean to us.
Hillel, one of the greatest Jewish scholars of all time described the essence of Judaism as such: “Love your brother as you would love yourself.”
Or, in other words, treat others as you yourself would like to be treated. Imagine yourself in another person’s shoes and you can really appreciate what they do for you. The school janitor, or the checkout bag-person, or even subordinates at work; these are all people who do work for you and are paid to do it- but that doesn’t make what they do any less valuable.
Jewish tradition gives us some clues with the blessings included in the morning service. Here are a few to give you a taste:
“Blessed are You, God, King of the Universe, who gave the heart understanding to distinguish between day and night”
“Blessed are You, God, King of the Universe, who clothes the naked”
“Blessed are You, God, King of the Universe, who releases the bound”
“Blessed are You, God, King of the Universe, Who has provided me my every need”
“Blessed are You, God, King of the Universe, Who gives strength to the weary.”
Why do we simply not just have one blessing which includes all of the above? They are separated in order for us to be able to show gratitude for EACH thing that G-d does for us- be it giving us clothes, providing for us, or giving us strength to get up in the morning.
Imagine waking each morning and sincerely thanking the Creator of the World that one is able to rise from bed, to be in full control of bodily functions, to enjoy a nutritious breakfast of one’s choosing, to be heartened by the aroma of that morning kick of caffeine. How sweet each day could be if we got up grateful to be alive?
We are the most privileged nation and people on the planet and yet somehow many of us choose to be unhappy and unappreciative of the gifts we are given every single day. It is easy to get up and focus on the challenges life offers. The traffic on the way to the office; the less than ideal job; family trials and tribulations or whatever unique problems persist. But why would you choose to be miserable with what you don’t have? Wouldn’t life be better if we focused on what we do?
Pirkei Avot – The Ethics of our Fathers teach us:
“Who is rich? He who is satisfied with his lot”
Living in Los Angeles we all know people trying to make it. The search for happiness abounds. Is it possible we are searching for something that we already contain within us? If we can take a moment to recognize and feel gratitude for what we do have rather than what we lack, who knows how much closer we can get to the destination of our long journey for happiness!
Suppose there’s a jigsaw puzzle composed of 10 000 pieces- our eyes immediately focus on the one piece that may be missing. Such is our awareness of our lives. But what if we stand back a little and look at the whole picture? Let’s see the gorgeous tapestry of the image of the many whole and integral pieces that already comprise our reality. Let’s focus on the multiple aspects of our lives that are functioning well and happily. Through that shift of energy and focus, it’s possible to feel the joy, meaning and inspiration we seek.
So the next time you’re checking out your groceries or using your co-worker’s hard work, remember to look them in the eye and utter the simple phrase ‘Thank you’; because the little things like that are the things that people really appreciate.
“Blessed art thou and thank you, G-d, for making me a woman.”
Yes, I know that’s a slight deviation from the actual blessing, but that is truly representative of how I feel.
Nissan, the lunar month that started last night with Jconnect’s Rosh Chodesh Celebration, is known as the first month of the Jewish calendar.
It’s the month of the exodus and the redemption of the Jewish people from the slavery of Egypt.
This is a month that our inclinations towards “evil” are abated and therefore we can focus our energies on growth and defining true freedom.
The reason given for the particular celebration of the new month by Jewish women is that women refused to participate in the building of the golden calf.
The women would not hand over their jewelry for this project. Sounds pretty obvious enough to say… Sure, women would never hand over their jewelry… after all diamonds are a girl’s best friend, right?
Wrong. When it was time to build the Tabernacle, the women nearly fell over themselves rushing to give their gold and jewels and be able to take part in its construction. So, what was it about the Golden Calf that caused us to defy our community and take such a stand?
Being part of the monthly Women’s Gathering brings home this reason to me each month.
There are women of different ages and different backgrounds who regularly gather together to celebrate their Judaism. No matter who speaks and what is discussed I am always struck by the depth and the quality and the searching that these women express.
It’s a small wonder that we, the Jewish women, would never be satisfied with a golden substitute for the truth, but rather would rebel and risk everything- even rebelling against our husbands (a HUGE deal in Biblical times)- to wait for the return of Moses. Nowadays, that translates into waiting for the word of G-d, and not putting our energies into frivolous pursuits. We must use our intuitive sense of truth.
This particular gathering’s topic was “Mindful Awareness”. We got to meditate on our breathing and allow our thoughts float across our minds like clouds across the sky. We learned that just as the sky does not get attached or upset by the passing clouds or even a gorgeous rainbow so too can we allow these thoughts to move over us without allowing ourselves to be thrown into a state of anger or sadness. While it is important to recognize our emotions, once we do so, we move towards being free of their hold over us.
That concept brings us to the real topic for the month: FREEDOM. As a teenager that was my big goal in life: I just wanted to be free. I’ve surprised myself as well as others by the amount that my definition of the word ‘freedom’ has changed over the years.
Back in my teenage years it was: Do what thou wilt is the whole of the law. I ran amuck and caused as much trouble as possible; being proud of not being tied to a morality system that was restrictive and boring.
As I’ve matured as an individual I saw with some shame and humility that chasing my own pleasures was not true freedom.
A phrase that really got me and was the catalyst for some radical changes was: Only a slave to the truth can be truly free.
I did not want to see myself as a slave… that hurt. But recognizing that we ultimately serve one thing or another, serving truth seems to be in line with integrity and a journey of refinement of soul.
On this day, the first day of Nissan, the Jewish priests (Kohanim) were desginated to serve G-d. The way of service was described in depth in the Torah. Nadav and Avihu, two sons of Aaron (the first High Priest and the brother of Moses) came to serve God. They did not follow instructions, instead serving in the way they chose. The result was spontaneous human combustion. Pretty harsh. But the point gets made. G-d wants us to serve Him; serving ourselves is the antithesis of serving G-d.
Our inner essence is the Divine Spark; that is our connection to the Almighty. That “pintele yid” knows G-d and wants to serve Him. The rest of our body, including the mind and heart, seeks to serve what it understands of the external world that seems so real. As Jews, we have to fight that urge and do instead of serving the external world, use it to serve Him.
The lesson of Pesach and the month of Nissan is to know ourselves at the deepest level of who we truly are: Children of G-d, choosing freely to serve Him, knowing we are loved and chosen for this service.
May we all seek and find our core, and through this awareness be able to heighten our service and know we serve truth!
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