Finding the Right Rabbi

Staying focused in this world of distraction can be very difficult. We’ve got so many things that demand our time and attention that it’s hard to decide what to focus on! However, having a specific and defined goal can be helpful in keeping one on the road to achieving one’s goals.

One aspect that’s highly beneficial to us achieving our ambitions is to have a teacher or a person in our lives that can give objective support and guidance.

After recently getting married, I can tell you personally that having a rabbi who has listened and given an outside perspective was an invaluable grounding force for my budding relationship.

I do have to admit, however, that finding that rabbi was a life-long and extremely difficult process.

When I first began becoming more involved in the Jewish world I started to learn from the book Pirkei Avot (or “The Ethics of our Fathers”). One statement in particular struck a nerve:

Rabbi Yehoshua Ben Perachya says, “Make for yourself a teacher…” (Pirkei Avot - Chapter 1, Mishna 6)

I always wondered what I would have to do to “make” (or find) my very own Rav (personal Rabbi). The concept was puzzling and concerned me - especially since I had always envisioned myself as a rebel. Having a rabbi decide things for me or tell me what to do was not an idea I found appealing in the least.

As I grew spiritually and started to understand the world a little more, it dawned on me: “making for myself a teacher” was not about giving up my free choice, but rather it entailed developing a relationship with someone I respect and admire. This would be a deep relationship- one that would be a constant work in progress; and this individual would really get to know who I was, where I can from and what I intended on doing with my life.

In order to build this type of relationship I realized I had to let go of the preconceived notion of “nobody tells me what to do!”- simply because in this particular circumstance it just didn’t apply. This teacher that I had now “made” was a person who had my best interests at heart and also had the life experience and Torah knowledge to be able to guide me in places where I couldn’t guide myself- whether because I had no objectivity or had no prior understanding or knowledge of the topic.

I just turned thirty this year (I know, *GHASP*, she told her age! Tabooooo…..) and until the beginning of last year I had never met a single person who would fit that void. In 2008, however, I was blessed to meet not just one such individual but two! Both of these teachers have had a massive influence on my life and have helped me gain insight and self-discipline.

I consider myself very fortunate as far as my rabbinic experiences go. Still, there are many people who have had negative experiences with their rabbis. Oftentimes, those that have that title “Rabbi” assume they have the right to judge, comment or criticize those who come to them for love and support. However, usually the best rabbis (or at least the best ones I’ve come across) are those who behave quite the opposite.

So what is a Rabbi or Teacher?

Well, the definition of a Rabbi (as per dictionary.com) is:
1. A person trained in Jewish law, ritual, and tradition and ordained for leadership of a Jewish congregation, especially one serving as chief religious official of a synagogue.
2. A scholar qualified to interpret Jewish law.

And the definition of a teacher is:
1. One who imparts knowledge or skill to
2. One who conditions to a certain action or frame of mind
3. One who causes to learn by example or experience

Not every person that has the title Rabbi has the wisdom, life experience or empathy that’s assumed to be connected to that role.

Not necessarily every Rabbi is a teacher, nor are they always right.

I believe that we, as a people, need good teachers. There are many respected rabbis, but the focus may need to shift from the title “rabbi” to the impact their words and deeds have on us as individuals and as a community.

There’s a sorely felt need for those that can be both a Talmid Chacham (wise man) and yetalso lead by example (living and breathing Torah), be non-judgmental and, most importantly, love all of B’nai Yisrael unconditionally.

I’d like to give us all the blessing that we make our rabbi/our teacher into our confidant; and that this relationship leads us to discover the rabbi/teacher within us. Our neshama, our soul, the Divine Spark, wants only good and to serve the Creator of the Universe - it just needs to be taught the way. May the soul in each of us be taught to soar, and may the true teachers of Yisrael stand up and be heard.